Tuesday, July 24, 2012

Complex emotions and the emergency room

I'd like to say that I'm over the moon with excitement and glee in regards to future opportunities, and yet I find all those positive thoughts condemned to hide behind my fear of the unknown. I don't cope well with change, it takes me over and I feel it in the bottom of my stomach, a huge knot of worry that I can't get rid of. Knowing that huge knot of worry will be there for about 4 months, is not the brightest prospect and I find myself worrying about how I shall cope with the worrying. What hopelessly complex little creatures we are.

In an attempt to redirect his stressed out mess of a wife, Kyle came up with the idea of a game of disc golf last night. Silly that we used to play all the time, and then stopped when we moved here and there's now a disc golf course about 2 blocks from our house. Last night was the first time we played there and Kyle commented on how lovely it was, I said maybe we shouldn't move and he glared at me...not a real glare, but one of those "oh you drive me crazy like only a spouse can" kind of glares that broke off into a smile, recognizing my attempt at humor.

I'm glad that Jack is free of the stress created by this move, but the worst times for me have been parting with his little tokens of childhood. I think I've moved so many times in my life that I now detest it, I really want to settle down and embrace my inner hoarder, but every time I get close, adventure calls. It's not even a call I like to receive either, it's like I accept it despite myself. 

I mentioned that I would share our reasons for the move, and really they are very simple but also pretty complex, it's not one thing, but rather numerous things that have added up to be "something". For one, we want to offer Jack as much as we can in life, and don't feel like we can personally do that here and we're not happy with that. We want him to go to a decent school that has a real kitchen, not one serving our most precious, the worst food the country has to offer (two words- "pink slime"). We want to be able to travel more and the U.S. feels very cut off, it's expensive to visit all the places that we want to see. We long for a tad more culture and diversity, oh and a few more vacation days a year, and while we could obviously move within the country to find that, we also want a complete change. Also, honestly, home calls me. It always has done, homesickness is a feeling I've always carried within me and it could very well be for a country that no longer exists, but I shall never know unless I go and find out for myself. I'm very fortunate to have a husband who tells me home is wherever I am and is therefore willing to step out into the great unknown with me.

People keep telling me that we're brave, but I don't think that is the right word- maybe crazy, maybe just desperate for change and then again, maybe a little brave. But I don't feel brave, not at all. I feel so much responsibility to make the right decision and for the right reasons. It wouldn't be so bad if we didn't have such an incredibly tight budget, but as is typical for us, this challenge must be met on a shoestring budget and we're selling everything we can to make it happen. Of course we'll take a suitcase each, a stroller and the bikes...oh and a laptop, because I can't stop blogging now, right when it's getting interesting! We still have to decide where we are going when we get off the plane, bright ideas accepted!

Finally, without sharing the personal details, our little Jack had to be taken to ER yesterday...I think it was yesterday...I'm sleep deprived. But yes, he had a pretty bad time of it, thankfully he is feeling lots better today. It was our first trip to ER with him and was pretty scary, apparently nothing that a good dose of antibiotics can't fix...and I'll leave it at that, because when he grows up he might not appreciate me sharing the details with the world;)


  1. I know this is sort of a dumb comment, but there is no use worrying about things. They WILL work out. They have to. It may not be comfortable, it may not be pretty, and it may very well suck hard for a while, but it has to work out because otherwise you're not living.

    You HAVE to move with such a tight budget? We did because there wasn't the chance to save in the situation we were in, as well as being on a schedule of one school district ending and training starting in the new location. It is definitely not fun, but fortunately (unfortunately?) we've been poor for a long time, so we know how to stretch a dollar when we have to. There is no shame in borrowing if you can from friends or family, so long as you do pay them back, and they understand the indefinite time-frame of that. Have you managed to sell very much yet?

    I wish you the very best of luck, both with raising money, coping with the adding stresses, and with the move itself. <3

    1. Hello RETF-

      I know what you are saying, but I think I have a hard time with switching off stress, it literally makes my heart race- its awful.

      Yes, we have no choice but to move on a ridiculously tight budget, otherwise we will never be able to do it.Thanks for the well wishes- I need em!

  2. To Jack: it's healing already!

    To Kyle: I'm with you. Home is wherever Josh is. I'll go where he goes.

    To Lindsay. Blessed be. Rest your mind. All will be well. Your reasons drive me too and I wish it would be simple for us to relocate. I acknowledge you for doing what it takes to do what you feel is best for your boy, for your family. You go, girl!!!

    1. Aww thank you! Thank you so much;) This comment meant a lot to me;)

    2. You're welcome. Our hearts swell for you.

    3. You're welcome. Our hearts swell for you.

  3. Hi Lindsay
    Wow, congrats on your big decision. I think your reasons are sound, but I know the responsibility is a huge one. You've not decided where to settle in the UK though? Do you have family or friends here to lean on for help? If you are on a tight budget, do avoid the southeast and London - it's very hard to live frugally. What about the North? or the southwest?
    good luck and keep blogging :)

    1. Stephanie-

      We are thinking the SW, just because I like the slightly warmer temps, I love the lay of the land itself- so pretty. And I'm a little more familiar with the the south, than the Northern parts. Still no, we have no family or friends there (that we know or talk to) and it will be tough- but fun I hope;)

      Thanks for reading!!


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